Ceci est tout

I am so close to walking out of my job at this moment. I've had to come here to write this and vent my stress.
I am sick of having people talking at me. Not talking to me or asking me to do something I am just having a constant tirade of complaints, moans, grumbles. I am really struggling with having 2 jobs and working 70 hour weeks. Things are going missing at work, things arent being recorded and if anther chinese person tells me that 15 walk is too far I will shoot them.
Even the 14 year old we have on placement has said he doesnt know why I put up with what I do.
I am on the verge of either crying or getting my bag and leaving. Sod the place. I'll survive off my bar job.

Yesterday sister situations went from bad to worse.

Asked Amy what she was up to last night, as we generally do ask each other and she calmly told me she was going out for a drink with Hands.
I maintained my cool until I got upstairs and quietly ranted and raved to Dee.
Went out for a bit with Dee and she got me to do the stress relief trick of winding the car windows down, turning up the music and screaming, Tarzan style at the top of my lungs. It's wonderful!

So, is it just me or is it morally wrong that Amy, my sister has gone on a date with someone I have pretty much had sex with? She knows this, knows I have spent the past month saying I'm looking forward to him coming back from his trip so I can see if we can take off where we left off. She knows I liked him (see the past tense. He revolts me now) and has gone on a date. Totally below the belt, morally wrong and utterly disgusting. Imagine being with a guy knowing that he's also had his head between your sisters legs and given her multiple orgasms! WRONG!!!!

I am so very, very angry with her. Its something you wouldn’t do to a friend but she is happy to do it to her sister. I always knew she was a tart but this is just ridiculous!
After ranting about it with Dee last night I've decided I've had enough. She has been putting my down my whole life, moving away from home made me realise I was better than she made me feel so I can cope with her better now. Rather than thinking I'm obviously the less attractive sister and that’s why he's gone for her after me, as I would have done a few years ago, I now realise it's her who is the lesser person. Dee has said she is jealous of me and that’s why she does what she does. I don’t need someone like that, even if she is my sister, clearly she is only a sister in the blood sense, in every other sense she is someone I don’t need in my life. I don't intend to associate with her anymore than I have to.
If she was a friend I would have fallen out with her, just because we are related I don’t see why it should be any different.

THIS IS A RANT.

PURELY TO VENT MY STRESS.

Ok, so I moved back home, I understand the implications of this but can someone please tell me why me moving home and being the only one with a full time job means that I am the sole provider of everything in the house?

I am the only one that pays board yet I am the one that has my hairdryer broken (magically), my straighteners used, my clothes borrowed, my jewelery borrowed, my cosmetics used up, my towel borrowed and left in a soggy heap on the floor, oh and aparently that then also means that everything I own belongs to someone else.

There is more than one black vest in the world and in a house of 5 women you can guess one or two of them will be in the same house. Buying a black vest from a mainstream high street store doesnt make it a one off, so therefore there is bound to be another one somewhere, again it may even be in the same house! So just because you saw one hanging on the airer or saw me wearing one does not mean it is yours. Its MINE!!!! I bought the same top!!!!! IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?????

And when you ask me 2 months ago to borrow my white nail varnish and then you wonder why I get annoyed when you ask me every week following that? If you knew 2 months ago that you needed white nail varnish why haven't you bought you're own yet?! Its not rocket science! I AM NOT BOOTS!!!!

Also, when there is a tiny bit of milk left I am going to use it for my breakfast. That does not make me selfish it makes me the one who worked till midnight last night and has to be at work again today at 9am, therefore I deserve a breakfast. Your coffee that you need to set you up for the day of sitting on your arse and 'writing your disertation/playing on the internet' is not that essential. Get dressed, walk to the end of the street and buy some milk. I dont have time, I actually have a job to go to, so I can fund buying all the stuff you like to 'borrow' from me.

ARGH!!!!!! I intend to get a lock on my door and maybe buy a mini fridge too.....

Hands is back.
Saw him at the club. Was hoping to see him and find him not as amazing as I recall.
However, he was better.
Tall, gorgeous smile and shoulders pumped to perfection from a month of training.
Frustratingly fabulous.
Quick chat about his trip. Hug, kiss on cheek and a handshake...
What does a handshake mean? Awkwardness, confirmation of just friends?
Although why I consider this, its not like anything is going to happen, it never does.

Eternally single, internally lonely, externally happy with my 'freedom'.

I'm so miserable being single.
The word itself: not accompanied by another or others; solitary.
Not appealing anymore.

This weekend I have bumped into more past men than ever. Including one I had forgotten about. A drunken encounter some months ago, he is now newly single. The encounter was fabulous, very steamy and frenzied. Would like to try for another go. Doubt it is likely.

My weight is very up and down, cant seem to control it.
Overall, not feeling great about myself.

Shesh!!! If I don't get out of this job soon I am going to loose it! Abby is stressing constantly and she just talks at me and thinks she knows it all! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

Other than that, put the radio on this morning and they were playing a new song called I kissed a girl. Not an erotic song really but it seriously turned me on! I've been considering some girl action for a while now but I dont know where to find it!
Think it is certainly time I looked into it....
x

I am so annoyed!!!

First quick background... Busboy is this guy that I've been 'seeing' on and off for over a year. We get on well as friends and this time round of us 'seeing' each other it seems to be progressing. He's drunkanly invited me to his friends wedding and we're more relaxed around each other now. Its nothing serious though, just a convienience when we're drunk.

So, last night I'm out for Gemma's birthday and he comes across to talk to me. Now, I'm sure there are a few things you share with your friends about bedroom antics, I never reveal details but I'd told Gemma some daft things we'd done, like messing about in random clothes. Nothing major and not even anything sexual. Gemma took it upon herself to shout loudly everything that I'd told her. She's made me look like an idiot, no doubt embarrassed him and totally crossed a line with me.
I went back to his house last night, no sex but stayed over.
I thought that would be the end of it, but no, she's been on facebook and posted it all on his wall at 1am then today she's posted on my wall asking how annoyed was I that she'd revealed what I'd told her and said oh well, bet you still love me anyway.

I am so not impressed.

As for things last night with Busboy, he's said that as his housemate is always at his girlfriends I should start coming round, said he hates been in on his own so we could just have a few nights in and watch random tv. Hmm... this seems to be a progression.... Not sure how I feel about it and how I feel about him....

Well, Rich has been struck off my list. I don't care if he is interested or not. I saw him out on Saturday night and after a greeting kiss and hug it was if he spent the rest of the night avoiding me. I know he pops anything he can get his hands on so a night out isnt the best time to assess him but I havent got the patience to wait for him to decide what he wants. He also spent a lot of time with some skinny blonde thing.

Although, me moaning about his behaviour.... Its not like he's almost slept with one of my friends.
Can't really hold him avoiding me against him I guess...

Realising this has however brought me back to the fact that I try to hide so much.
Its damn lonely being single.
I have a lot of friends and I love them to bits but most are in relationships. Dee is single and we have fun being single girls but I really want someone who can come round and have a night in together and when we're out we can meet up towards the end of the night.
I want someone to get kisses and cuddles from, someone to text me nice things. Someone who makes me feel like I'm not a total man repellant and that I am appealing as more than a friend.
I want affection!

The really sad thing is that Hands really did make me feel amazing, not just in a sexual way. He was attentive to me all night, even before we went back to his, he seemed genuinly concerned that I was ok. When we were sleeping he wrapped himself around me and held me in that lovely way that makes you feel safe and protected. I've not had that in so long. Hands made me feel attractive and worth caring about.
I reckon when he's back from australia he'll be uninterested, I know it was more likely just a one night thing and I shouldnt dwell on it but I cant help it. He reminded me what I want. And what, no matter how hard I try, I cant get.
It really is lonely being single.

Decided to call in sick today. Went out with Gemma last night and made the mistake of drinking wine. Got very very drunk, embarrasingly so actually. Didnt feel hungover this morning but decided I do actually hate my job so called a sickie.
Worked out quite well actually, the weather was glorious so me and the lil sis sat in a beer garden all day. Fabulous :-)
There is something so satisfying in having a sick day when your not sick. Very refreshing!
x

My friends call me their own Gok Wan.

Footwear
You are going to need a change of shoes, flats for the day and heels for the night. However, the heels do need to be fairly comfortable, London is very spread out and there will be walking involved. Comfort is key, don’t spoil the enjoyment of being in London by suffering with sore feet.

Authorised Stylists
Ø      Cecin (Me) – Her talent is yet to be discovered by the people that will make her rich but one day she will be telling you how to look good naked and how to look amazing dressed.
Ø      Gok Wan – Nothing more needs to be said.
Ø      Stella McCartney – Considering her Dad dresses the way he does, she drags out some darn good outfits.

Unauthorised Stylists
Ø      The boys – They will tell you anything just to make sure you get ready quicker. Style cannot be accomplished in minutes. It takes time and patience.
Ø      Vivienne Westwood – Granted the woman is a genius, however she is a little outlandish and can only be used under careful supervision.
Ø      Sarah Jessica Parker – Looks amazing at all times but is basically a very, very good coat hanger, she could not dress herself and does have the added advantage of being a size 0. Mere mortals are not.

Just a quicky today seems I did such a long catch up yesterday.

Spoke to Roz this morning and aparently Rich told Jeff that he is really keen on me and even though he is sad to leave the Raf he hopes it will give him a chance to have a go at things with me. He said he thinks I'm really nice and funny in a way most girls arent (thats what happens when you have as many male friends as I do!), he said I'm different from the rest....
Also Jeff doesnt seem to think that he knows about me and Hands. The boys that do know are making an effort to make sure he doesnt find out, mainly because of how keen he says he is. Maybe he should tell me this!!!
Seriously, why cant it be simple?! If he likes me, tell me. Then I can say, yeh I'd be interested in making a go of things, see what happens. Then we could try this relationship thing that I hear so much about... Not that I ever have one....

ITS SIMPLE!!!!

Got a fabulous outfit planned for the weekend :-) Out with the girls for a friends birthday so we may end up in the club Rich generally goes to. Mainly because there is no-where else to go... I intend to look so amazing that he stops being a freak and does something about all the things he keeps telling his friends. Shesh!

I've also just had my hair revamped. 5 inches off and made very blonde. I almost cried when i had it done, genuinley devestated about the loss of length but loads of people have said how fabulous it looks. I've also been dieting for a few weeks and looking trimmer for it.
Overhall of life in process. I love having a shake up now and then