When I had drank a few on Thursday night I let my friend Judy talk me into texting Mr System to see if he was out, he replied quickly to say he wasnt, we had a bit of a text conversation, centering around when we were next going to go out. I know I said I wasnt going to chase anymore but I really wanted a complete conclusion to him.
He stopped replying after a while, without saying when and if we were going to go out again.
So on Friday I decided to try one last time, get my final answer and asked him outright.
No reply.
Deleted his number, his messages and tried to delete him from my thoughts.
That one I cant quite manage.
For some reason, this one hurts more than the others ever have. Yes I've met lots of men, had feelings for them but all of them have been easy to move on from. Generally done after a day or so of nursing a bruised ego.
This one hurts.
I cant stop thinking about him, he's in my thoughts most of the day. I think of him on a night when I go to bed and have to stop myself emailing him during the day at work.
I wanted him to meet my friends, maybe come to Vicky and Rob's wedding as my guest. I really wanted this one to work.
Stupid after one date, but I did and his behaviour made me think thats what he wanted too.
Obviously I was wrong.
I wonder if the reason he suddenly backed off was because he found out about my past with Bedboy. He is a good friend of Bedboy and might not be happy knowing we have had encounters.
If thats the case why hasnt he just said so rather than still giving me hope.
I'm an emotional wreck whenever I think of him and could cry now, just writing this.
It hurts to know that he thinks so little of me when I think so much of him.
I wish I could hate him for it but I know thats its very likely to be my own loose past that has put him off.
Either that or I am actually unlovable.
