THIS IS A RANT.

PURELY TO VENT MY STRESS.

Ok, so I moved back home, I understand the implications of this but can someone please tell me why me moving home and being the only one with a full time job means that I am the sole provider of everything in the house?

I am the only one that pays board yet I am the one that has my hairdryer broken (magically), my straighteners used, my clothes borrowed, my jewelery borrowed, my cosmetics used up, my towel borrowed and left in a soggy heap on the floor, oh and aparently that then also means that everything I own belongs to someone else.

There is more than one black vest in the world and in a house of 5 women you can guess one or two of them will be in the same house. Buying a black vest from a mainstream high street store doesnt make it a one off, so therefore there is bound to be another one somewhere, again it may even be in the same house! So just because you saw one hanging on the airer or saw me wearing one does not mean it is yours. Its MINE!!!! I bought the same top!!!!! IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?????

And when you ask me 2 months ago to borrow my white nail varnish and then you wonder why I get annoyed when you ask me every week following that? If you knew 2 months ago that you needed white nail varnish why haven't you bought you're own yet?! Its not rocket science! I AM NOT BOOTS!!!!

Also, when there is a tiny bit of milk left I am going to use it for my breakfast. That does not make me selfish it makes me the one who worked till midnight last night and has to be at work again today at 9am, therefore I deserve a breakfast. Your coffee that you need to set you up for the day of sitting on your arse and 'writing your disertation/playing on the internet' is not that essential. Get dressed, walk to the end of the street and buy some milk. I dont have time, I actually have a job to go to, so I can fund buying all the stuff you like to 'borrow' from me.

ARGH!!!!!! I intend to get a lock on my door and maybe buy a mini fridge too.....

Hands is back.
Saw him at the club. Was hoping to see him and find him not as amazing as I recall.
However, he was better.
Tall, gorgeous smile and shoulders pumped to perfection from a month of training.
Frustratingly fabulous.
Quick chat about his trip. Hug, kiss on cheek and a handshake...
What does a handshake mean? Awkwardness, confirmation of just friends?
Although why I consider this, its not like anything is going to happen, it never does.

Eternally single, internally lonely, externally happy with my 'freedom'.

I'm so miserable being single.
The word itself: not accompanied by another or others; solitary.
Not appealing anymore.

This weekend I have bumped into more past men than ever. Including one I had forgotten about. A drunken encounter some months ago, he is now newly single. The encounter was fabulous, very steamy and frenzied. Would like to try for another go. Doubt it is likely.

My weight is very up and down, cant seem to control it.
Overall, not feeling great about myself.

Shesh!!! If I don't get out of this job soon I am going to loose it! Abby is stressing constantly and she just talks at me and thinks she knows it all! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

Other than that, put the radio on this morning and they were playing a new song called I kissed a girl. Not an erotic song really but it seriously turned me on! I've been considering some girl action for a while now but I dont know where to find it!
Think it is certainly time I looked into it....
x

I am so annoyed!!!

First quick background... Busboy is this guy that I've been 'seeing' on and off for over a year. We get on well as friends and this time round of us 'seeing' each other it seems to be progressing. He's drunkanly invited me to his friends wedding and we're more relaxed around each other now. Its nothing serious though, just a convienience when we're drunk.

So, last night I'm out for Gemma's birthday and he comes across to talk to me. Now, I'm sure there are a few things you share with your friends about bedroom antics, I never reveal details but I'd told Gemma some daft things we'd done, like messing about in random clothes. Nothing major and not even anything sexual. Gemma took it upon herself to shout loudly everything that I'd told her. She's made me look like an idiot, no doubt embarrassed him and totally crossed a line with me.
I went back to his house last night, no sex but stayed over.
I thought that would be the end of it, but no, she's been on facebook and posted it all on his wall at 1am then today she's posted on my wall asking how annoyed was I that she'd revealed what I'd told her and said oh well, bet you still love me anyway.

I am so not impressed.

As for things last night with Busboy, he's said that as his housemate is always at his girlfriends I should start coming round, said he hates been in on his own so we could just have a few nights in and watch random tv. Hmm... this seems to be a progression.... Not sure how I feel about it and how I feel about him....

Well, Rich has been struck off my list. I don't care if he is interested or not. I saw him out on Saturday night and after a greeting kiss and hug it was if he spent the rest of the night avoiding me. I know he pops anything he can get his hands on so a night out isnt the best time to assess him but I havent got the patience to wait for him to decide what he wants. He also spent a lot of time with some skinny blonde thing.

Although, me moaning about his behaviour.... Its not like he's almost slept with one of my friends.
Can't really hold him avoiding me against him I guess...

Realising this has however brought me back to the fact that I try to hide so much.
Its damn lonely being single.
I have a lot of friends and I love them to bits but most are in relationships. Dee is single and we have fun being single girls but I really want someone who can come round and have a night in together and when we're out we can meet up towards the end of the night.
I want someone to get kisses and cuddles from, someone to text me nice things. Someone who makes me feel like I'm not a total man repellant and that I am appealing as more than a friend.
I want affection!

The really sad thing is that Hands really did make me feel amazing, not just in a sexual way. He was attentive to me all night, even before we went back to his, he seemed genuinly concerned that I was ok. When we were sleeping he wrapped himself around me and held me in that lovely way that makes you feel safe and protected. I've not had that in so long. Hands made me feel attractive and worth caring about.
I reckon when he's back from australia he'll be uninterested, I know it was more likely just a one night thing and I shouldnt dwell on it but I cant help it. He reminded me what I want. And what, no matter how hard I try, I cant get.
It really is lonely being single.

Decided to call in sick today. Went out with Gemma last night and made the mistake of drinking wine. Got very very drunk, embarrasingly so actually. Didnt feel hungover this morning but decided I do actually hate my job so called a sickie.
Worked out quite well actually, the weather was glorious so me and the lil sis sat in a beer garden all day. Fabulous :-)
There is something so satisfying in having a sick day when your not sick. Very refreshing!
x

My friends call me their own Gok Wan.

Footwear
You are going to need a change of shoes, flats for the day and heels for the night. However, the heels do need to be fairly comfortable, London is very spread out and there will be walking involved. Comfort is key, don’t spoil the enjoyment of being in London by suffering with sore feet.

Authorised Stylists
Ø      Cecin (Me) – Her talent is yet to be discovered by the people that will make her rich but one day she will be telling you how to look good naked and how to look amazing dressed.
Ø      Gok Wan – Nothing more needs to be said.
Ø      Stella McCartney – Considering her Dad dresses the way he does, she drags out some darn good outfits.

Unauthorised Stylists
Ø      The boys – They will tell you anything just to make sure you get ready quicker. Style cannot be accomplished in minutes. It takes time and patience.
Ø      Vivienne Westwood – Granted the woman is a genius, however she is a little outlandish and can only be used under careful supervision.
Ø      Sarah Jessica Parker – Looks amazing at all times but is basically a very, very good coat hanger, she could not dress herself and does have the added advantage of being a size 0. Mere mortals are not.

Just a quicky today seems I did such a long catch up yesterday.

Spoke to Roz this morning and aparently Rich told Jeff that he is really keen on me and even though he is sad to leave the Raf he hopes it will give him a chance to have a go at things with me. He said he thinks I'm really nice and funny in a way most girls arent (thats what happens when you have as many male friends as I do!), he said I'm different from the rest....
Also Jeff doesnt seem to think that he knows about me and Hands. The boys that do know are making an effort to make sure he doesnt find out, mainly because of how keen he says he is. Maybe he should tell me this!!!
Seriously, why cant it be simple?! If he likes me, tell me. Then I can say, yeh I'd be interested in making a go of things, see what happens. Then we could try this relationship thing that I hear so much about... Not that I ever have one....

ITS SIMPLE!!!!

Got a fabulous outfit planned for the weekend :-) Out with the girls for a friends birthday so we may end up in the club Rich generally goes to. Mainly because there is no-where else to go... I intend to look so amazing that he stops being a freak and does something about all the things he keeps telling his friends. Shesh!

I've also just had my hair revamped. 5 inches off and made very blonde. I almost cried when i had it done, genuinley devestated about the loss of length but loads of people have said how fabulous it looks. I've also been dieting for a few weeks and looking trimmer for it.
Overhall of life in process. I love having a shake up now and then

Wow! Not written in a really long time!
Shame really because I've had some serious fun going on!

Hmm... Now where do I start...?

Well, I kicked bedboy to the curb. I didnt speak to him for a while as I fell out with him due to some very unacceptable behaviour when I saw him in a club. Needless to say when I bumped into him a few weeks ago he was all smiles and kept sneaking kisses, which I gave him the cheek for! He tried a few back handed lines, all of which I cut him back with. He left as the loser and later text me telling me I looked gorgeous. Well...hello?!!!

Been spending plenty of time with Dee, having a wail of a time! Also spent lots of time with the boys and and Vicky, (the original flatmate who gets married this year). We went camping at the weekend, good fun if not rather cold!

I've managed to drag myself into another of my life overhalls. Oh god this one is going to be tough!
Ok, so firsty, I met this guy...known him to say hello to for a while and he is a friend of some guys I know. So anyway, went out for one of the guys birthdays and he was out. We got talking, got on really well and swapped numbers. He text me as soon as he got home and we arranged a date. The date went very well, he was a total gentleman and we didnt stop talking all night, he asked me back to his house to watch a film we both love but I had to decline knowing I had to be at work the next day. He walked me home and I got a fabulous snog on the doorstep.
Fabulous!
So... all sounds good so far? Well, as usual it gets complicated.
I heard nothing from him for him until I bumped into him one weekend, his face lit up when he saw me, came bounding over, gave me a big kiss and apologised for not texting me. He then spent the rest of the night with me, snogging and such like. His friends, who are also my friends, kept asking me random stuff like hows it going with you and Rich? And I even got warned that I better take care of him.
Very strange.
I asked him what his thoughts on us were and he said he didnt want to start anything until he finished in the Raf in 3 weeks, I said I would wait.
When the club kicked out he disappeared. I went to a party of one of our mutual friends and thought no more of it.
Now, Roz works with his housemate, Jeff. He told her that it was made clear by Rich that we were together and that he was really keen on me. All good!
Again, however, heard nothing from him.

Bump into him a week later and he was off with me. Got a brief conversation about nothing out of him and that was it. So I decided he was too much like hard work and went on my merry little way.
While out I get talking to another mutual friend of ours... well, to cut a long story short I end up going home with him. Tormented each other for a while with sarcasm and conversations about random things then things led...innocently....to the bedroom. Honestly, I dont think we had even kissed at this point! Although I was drunk so I wouldnt swear on it...

So as you could guess, one thing leads to another and even though there was no full on sex, there were plenty of other stuff going on there. I have to say... my god that man knows what he is doing! His fingers knew exactly what they were doing and where to touch to get the best feelings and when he went down on me it was like giving a dog a big bowl full of gravy! He went for it like it was his last meal! And my god did he get results from that! Never had such amazing orgasms from oral! AMAZING!
He also did this thing where I laid in his arms while he kissed my face and trailed his hands all over my body, no major sexual touching at this point but it turned me on like never before!
We slept in very late and when we woke he made me toast and smoothies. A mutual friend came round and when they both headed into town he dropped me off at home.
God to I regret not having sex with him....

So. The pickle I find myself in is that Hnds has now gone to Australia for a month to play rugby and when he returns I would really like to finish what we started and Rich has finished in the Raf and has been in touch. Turns out the reason he was off with me is because that night I saw him was a year since his Dad had died and he wasnt in the mood for any romancing. Man did I feel cruel...

I'm out this weekend and will probably see Rich, so do I see what happens, knowing he will probably know about me and Hands? ARGH!!! What a mess!!!

Oh and just before I finish...I'm considering becoming a no sex escort so I can clear my debts quickly. Anyone got any thoughts on this? And can you make any real money from not doing the sex? Is there such thing?

Ta ta for now kids! xxx